Monday, April 28, 2014

Noah is all wet...and moldy

There are many reasons why I disliked the new movie "Noah."  Maybe I should count the ways...

#1 It was a lousy screenplay.  I realize that the entire story of Noah takes up just four chapters of Genesis, so a little creative license is needed to fill a two hour movie.  But please, my elementary age son can produce a better story that what passed for this Hollywood screenplay.  Pew!

#2 It totally distorts the biblical narrative in a way that makes every character in the story unrecognizable.  I'm a professed Christian in what is seen by many as a rather liberal Church.  Re-imagining the biblical narrative to speak to a new generation ought to float my boat. Right??? Wrong!!! Everyone and I mean everyone acts contrary to their nature from the biblical narrative.  The Creator, who can't wait to destroy.  Noah, the only righteous man left, who obsessively stalks his daughter-in-law once she is pregnant, waiting to kill off her new born children.  The evil mob, the leader of which whose lines are lifted out of Genesis and used in a way antithetical to the original purpose of the biblical writer.  Fallen angels, who were supposed to be demons, who are the unsung heroes in the story.

#3 IT'S TWO HOURS AND NINETEEN MINUTES I CAN NEVER GET BACK.

And in the end, I paid real money to watch a load of crap that stinks on ice!  Maybe that's why I'm mad.  Or maybe I'm more of a biblical literalist than I'd ever admit.  Either way, don't waste your money or your time.  Just wait until it's makes it on TV.  Second thought, don't waste your time even when it's free on network TV.  That's how bad it really is.  But what should I have expected, when the director himself was quoted as saying, "it's the most unbiblical, biblically themed movie of all time."

Wish I had seen that quote before the movie.

    

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